well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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