My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
