omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
