I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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