He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
