I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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