Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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