Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
