Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
