the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
