dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
