She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
