I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
