need another drink. this is the easiest way
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
