the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
