my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
