my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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