East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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