She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
