just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
