hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
