In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
