I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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