I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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