I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
