Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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