He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
