dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
