I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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