can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
