Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
