he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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