I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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