I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
