Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
