I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
