eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
