I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
