When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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