I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
