The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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