Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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