he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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