It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Small penises have feelings too.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
