DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
