I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
