i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
