The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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