My room smells like vodka and shame
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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