At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
