It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
