Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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