Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
