This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
