end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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