I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
