I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
handjob tips. give me some.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
