Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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